U.S. — As families across the country prepared to enjoy a day of food, fun, and frivolity, America’s military veterans braced themselves for the annual onslaught of “Happy Memorial Day” greetings.
Though traditional backyard barbecues and games were in the offing, servicemen still living were preparing to endure the hundreds of “Happy Memorial Day” wishes on a day reserved for remembering soldiers who died.
“Uh, thanks, but I’m still alive,” said retired U.S. Army serviceman Bill Keating. “It’s great to be recognized on the last Monday of May every year, but… I’m very much not dead yet. There are other days for thanking military veterans who, you know, haven’t died in battle.”
Americans of all backgrounds had committed themselves to being extra vigilant today, wanting to do their part to be on the lookout for men and women who served in the military and wishing them well on a holiday specifically designed to honor soldiers who died. “This day is for you guys,” Fred Jasper told Bill Keating as he walked by him at a coffee shop. “We want you to receive all the praise and recognition you deserve on this day. We remember you.”
Keating said he briefly thought about trying to explain to Jasper the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day, but stoically smiled, nodded his head, and went on his way. “They mean well,” he said. “But I’m not dead.”
At publishing time, millions of families were already outside eating and playing games while operating under the mistaken impression that it was Labor Day.
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