Success Of ‘Lilo & Stitch’ Teaches Disney Important Lesson To Just Keep Pumping Out Live-Action Remakes Forever
BURBANK, CA — Walt Disney Studios announced Monday that all lessons learned from the disastrous release of Disney’s Snow White have been affectively unlearned thanks to the box office success of Lilo & Stitch.
“We were ready to pull the plug on all live-action remakes, but Lilo & Stitch has shown me that we should just pump out even more live-action remakes devoid of creativity,” said Disney CEO Bob Iger. “Looks like a live-action Tangled is back on the menu, boys!”
“I love money,” he added.
Lilo & Stitch reportedly took in $146 million over the weekend, beating out the hotly anticipated Mission: Impossible – The Final Reckoning. According to sources, the former has already recouped most of its budget.
“Creatively bankrupt films are really cheap to shoot,” said Lilo & Stitch director Dean Camp. “We just used the same script and got unknown actors we could safely underpay. Heck, this is my first theatrical movie, so Disney didn’t pay me anything.”
According to sources, Tom Cruise is not letting the rough launch of The Final Reckoning dull his spirits. “I’m a level 8 Operating Thetan. I’m not worried,” he said.
At publishing time, Disney greenlit twenty new remakes.
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