U.S. — After spending hundreds of millions of dollars on political consultants to learn how to win men back, the Democratic Party unveiled its new strategy of having a gay guy grow a beard.
As men have left the Democratic Party in droves over the past several elections, Democrats believe they can reverse the tide by having a very small homosexual man sprout a light beard.
“This will do the trick,” said political consultant Dan Jennings as he rubbed more Rogaine onto Pete Buttigieg’s jawline. “If you want to win back men, there is nothing better than a homo who takes maternity leave growing out a beard. They will look at this beard and think, ‘hey, he’s just like me, other than being miniature-sized and a fruitcake. I think I’ll vote Democrat.’ It’s going to happen, just watch.”
While many Democrats hailed the gay beard plan, some members of the party were less sure of the strategy. “I’m not convinced that a little fairy boy in a maternity bra is going to connect with men just because he grew a beard,” said Representative Jared Huffman. “Still, I was sure the bald guy up in Minnesota doing jazz hands was going to work, so maybe they know something I don’t. I’ll wait and see.”
At publishing time, the Democratic Party had decided the ploy would work better if the small gay man always left a few buttons on his collared shirt unbuttoned.
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