Health Experts Warn ‘Hamilton’ May Be Gateway To More Flamboyant Musicals

U.S. — Startling new data from health experts has shown that the musical Hamilton may be a gateway to far more flamboyant musicals.
While unsuspecting theatergoers may be under the impression that Hamilton is simply a modern, hip-hop retelling of historical events that took place around the time of the founding of the United States, experts warned that the musical could lead to interest in more dangerous, and far gayer, productions.
“We were concerned to see the behavioural pattern of people who watched and listened to Hamilton,” Lead Researcher Bradly Simson said. “First, it was just Hamilton, but that quickly morphed into people listening to Rent, Cats, Starship Express, and even Hairspray. Hamilton appears to be a slippery slope to flamboyancy.”
Researchers found no correlation between people enjoying Hamilton and then transitioning to more “closeted” musicals like Les Misérables, The Greatest Showman, or The Phantom of the Opera.
“Phantom is full of masculine energy — a man in a mask seducing a pretty woman who can sing well? That’s more of a masculine musical, for sure. But Hamilton fans more often went on to enjoy the musical stylings of Cabaret, a show in the top ten gayest musicals of all time,” Simpson commented.
At publishing time, a similar study also showed that everyone knows your Taylor Swift/Beyonce Spotify playlists didn’t just “show up randomly,” and nobody buys it when you say, “I swear I didn’t add them, I don’t know how those got there.”
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