Republicans Unveil New Plan To Fix National Debt Sometime After The Return Of Christ
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican lawmakers unveiled a bold new plan for the federal budget: to forgo paying down the national debt in favor of waiting for the second coming of Christ and the world to be ended in fire.
“That would really take care of all our problems,” House Speaker Mike Johnson said in an interview on Fox News. “Come, Lord Jesus!”
The National Debt is reportedly in excess of $36 trillion and growing. Republicans, previously on the side of fiscal responsibility, claim the federal debt is so out of control that only the end of time could possibly wipe the slate clean.
“I mean, there won’t be anything left when the world is destroyed, but at least the debt will be gone too,” said Senator Ted Cruz. “Let us eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow the debt is wiped clean!”
Representative Thomas Massie and Senator Rand Paul, notorious for voting against resolutions that do not address federal spending, have reportedly come around to the idea that only the complete and total destruction of the Earth can resolve the debt now. “The debt has gotten so out of control that it has become impossible to pay off without the aid of all the banks of the world going up in flames,” Paul said. “Which I think is an outcome my dad would be happy with.”
At publishing time, Democrats unveiled their own plan to address the debt only after the world has been totally destroyed by Democrats.
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