MILWAUKEE, WI — Frustrated with how slowly he’s been losing weight, 42-year-old Jack Brenson has started considering adding a second push-up to his weekly workout routine.
According to Brenson, he’s tried his current workout strategy of a single push-up for over two weeks without noticeable results.
“I’m consistent, but nothing seems to have changed,” Brenson complained, breathing somewhat heavily as he guzzled down a protein shake. “Every time, it’s up, down, then some time to rest from the rep. Maybe I need to change things up a bit — perhaps add in a second push-up or something.”
“He seems pretty hard-core about losing weight,” said Jack’s wife Stephanie. “I always hear him going down into the push-up and yelling ‘Get HUGE!’ and then he’ll come up grunting ‘STAY HUGE!’ I think he could stand to add a few crunches or a kettlebell, too.”
Sources report Brenson has also considered other drastic measures to cut his weight, such as drinking more water, biking to work, or even not eating McDonald’s for breakfast and lunch every day.
“I’m serious about this weight-loss thing,” Brenson said, mentally preparing himself to face his home gym. “I’ll do whatever it takes, as long as it doesn’t get me too sweaty.”
At publishing time, Brenson had considered adding a third or even fourth push-up to his routine.
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