ARLINGTON, VA — Firefighters were called to the scene after several eyewitnesses claimed to have seen President Trump setting fire to a local Tesla dealership this morning.
The event seems to coincide with a bitter public falling out between Trump and Musk over a spending bill currently moving through Congress.
“I thought we were friends, Elon! What happened to us?” President Trump reportedly cried as he lobbed a Molotov cocktail into the windshield of a 2025 Tesla Model 3. “I never liked Teslas. I always thought they were 3rd-rate cars anyway. And everything in them is computer, and I hate computers. Many people don’t know that, but I actually hate them. They’re terrible, frankly.”
By the time authorities arrived on the scene, the entire facility had been consumed by the flames. Security cameras caught glimpses of an orange-haired suspect fleeing the scene.
Elon was quick to condemn the attack on X, calling for a full investigation and accusing Trump of being a “gay poopy-head retard.” Trump replied on his Truth Social account, calling Musk a “3rd-rate rocket scientist who is worse at making rockets than Bezos.”
At publishing time, Republicans in Congress had earmarked $327 billion for rebuilding the Tesla dealership.
These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.
Jesus Christ is King
