CUYAHOGA FALLS, OH — Congregants at Grace Bible Church of Cuyahoga Falls made it known today that the praise band guitarist is nowhere near talented enough to be making that face.
Michael Johns reportedly joined the praise band three months ago, during which time parishioners stated he has repeatedly made that face despite being a barely mediocre musician.
“If you’re making that face, you better be freakin’ shredding,” said congregant Paul Rinard. “I love Michael, he’s a great kid. But you cannot be stumbling over simple riffs and still try to make that face. It’s not okay.”
Congregants took care to express their support for Johns, stating that they wouldn’t mind his very average guitar skills if he would just stop making that face. “It’s about worship, not about being the best musician ever. We don’t mind some missed chords and whatnot. Just, stop whatever that is he’s doing with his face,” said parishioner Jamie Boulon.
At publishing time, Johns had reportedly made that face again while backing his truck into a parking space, despite being more than a foot over the line.
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