LOS ANGELES, CA — Embattled law enforcement officers trying to keep violent protesters at bay now have to wait even longer for help, as news broke that U.S. Marine tanks had gotten stuck in traffic on the 405 freeway.
National Guard servicemen and Los Angeles Police Department riot officers had been waiting for the arrival of 700 Marines deployed at the order of President Donald Trump to deal with crowds of anti-ICE rioters, but the Marines were immediately held up in L.A. gridlock.
“This is ridiculous. C’mon, people, move it!” shouted one Lance Corporal while poking his head out the top hatch of a tank on the 405. “We’ve been sitting here for over 3 hours. We haven’t even moved! How do people ever get anywhere around here? We’ve got places to be and people to kill. We don’t have time to just sit here parked on a freeway. Unbelievable.”
The Marines reported that no matter which lane they switched to, it would immediately stop while the other lanes would begin moving. “It’s so frustrating,” another soldier said. “And why is the freeway under construction? Why is everything always under construction? Every freeway. Every street. What’s the point of having this many lanes if half of them are always closed? Argh!”
So far, the tanks have managed to adhere to orders not to simply drive over civilian vehicles and pancake them in the process.
At publishing time, the Marines had reportedly made up valuable time by using the carpool lane.
These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.
Jesus Christ is King
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