WASHINGTON, D.C. — As preparations continued for this weekend’s celebration, President Trump expressed disappointment that tomorrow’s army parade would not include a giant Snoopy balloon.
Trump, whose 79th birthday coincidentally coincides with the parade to mark the U.S. Army’s 250th anniversary, blasted the planning committee for having a parade without any giant balloons of cartoon characters.
“Where’s Snoopy? You gotta have Snoopy,” Trump said. “Or at least Garfield. Not having giant balloons is a disgrace. This isn’t just some sad little parade like Gavin Newscum’s Rose Parade. Who cares about roses? Our soldiers need cartoon character balloons. Sad!”
Parade organizers reportedly argued for leaning more toward tradition for this year’s parade. “We wanted to show the evolution of America’s military from colonial times to the modern day,” said Captain of Party Planning Chris Hagen. “Nowhere in our history have we deployed giant character balloons. I don’t even know who Snoopy is. Did he die in Vietnam? If so, maybe I could justify a balloon.”
Though he was expected to speak at the parade’s commencement, the president said he would “just wing it” because a parade without Snoopy wasn’t worth preparing for. “I’m disappointed, to tell you the truth. I think they don’t know their history,” Trump said of the parade organizers. “Snoopy fought the Red Baron. Tremendous pilot. It’s amazing what he could do in that airplane. That’s how he met Woodstock. Little Woodstock, I call him.”
At publishing time, President Trump announced that he would hold a rally across the street featuring giant cartoon character balloons at the same time as the parade.
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