RAMAH — A large crowd of disgruntled people from multiple tribes marched publicly through the streets today, as mobs of angry Israelites protested the prophet Samuel with a “Yes Kings” rally.
Fed up with having autonomy and personal freedoms as long as they adhered to God’s law, the descendants of Abraham angrily made their voices heard before the Lord’s chosen representative to demand one all-powerful man to despotically rule over them.
“We don’t want to live in freedom!” said one marching Benjamite. “We keep looking at all the other nations around us and the way they have a person bossing them around and living in opulent luxury while everyone else toils endlessly to funnel wealth to the royal family, and we wish that could be us. We don’t want liberty, give us oppression!”
After being set free after hundreds of years of slavery in Egypt, the people of Israel longed for the days of tyrannical rule and no individual liberties. “It’s time to give someone unchecked power,” said one man from the tribe of Zebulun who was waving a “Yes Kings” sign. “Who wants to be free and make their own choices anyway? Freedom is not for me. I’ll take being ordered around and worked into the ground to enrich one unelected ruler any day.”
At publishing time, large groups of Israelites had reportedly also made plans to hold protests in prominent villages throughout the land to collectively condemn God’s strict immigration policies.
These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.
Jesus Christ is King
