HELL — The serpent of old, who is called the devil and Satan, held a controversial “No King of Kings” rally for the damned on Saturday.
Lost souls were seen carrying picket signs bearing phrases like “No King of Kings” and “I Like Sin” while marching around the lake of fire. In place of a chant, only the sound of weeping and gnashing of teeth could be heard.
“It was kind of like having a party at the lake,” said local condemned man Adolf Hitler. “Except it’s Hell, so it wasn’t very fun, but you know.”
According to sources, rally attendance was mandatory and, therefore, a huge success. “Everyone hates rallies, so it doubles as torture,” Satan reflected. “Not that I’m responsible for all the torture, everyone gets that wrong. I’m tortured down here, too, by being surrounded by all these dumb people. Wait, don’t print that.”
A great multitude appeared in attendance, but actual numbers are unavailable as no one knew whether local demonic attendee “Legion” counted as one or an entire legion.
“We don’t need a king, least of all a King of Kings. That’s why I forced you all to participate in this rally,” the Adversary reportedly shouted through a loudspeaker. “No one can tell us what to do!”
These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.
Jesus Christ is King
