Jesus' Coming Back

Teacher Required To Provide Own Salary

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BALTIMORE—As public schools across the country increasingly face budget shortfalls, educators like Patricia Harper, a fifth-grade teacher in Baltimore, have reportedly found it more necessary than ever to provide their own salaries. “I’m committed to coming into this classroom every day and helping my students learn, but in order to do this, I’m now required to dip into my own pocket to cover my annual income,” said the 10-year veteran of Baltimore City Public Schools, a district with more than 5,000 teachers who together would need to come up with an estimated $340 million to meet their annual salary requirements. “While the PTA has held some fundraisers to pitch in, I unfortunately can’t make rent with the $23 they gave each teacher from the proceeds of bingo night. Still, I’m hopeful I can stretch the funds I have until the end of the school year, so long as the custodian doesn’t catch me sleeping under my desk or swiping pizza burgers from the cafeteria for dinner.” At press time, sources confirmed the elementary school where Harper worked had laid her off, dramatically improving her financial stability.

The Onion

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