WASHINGTON, D.C. — Continuing his quest to bring peace to the Middle East and permanently quell hostilities between Jews and Muslims, President Donald Trump wisely suggested cutting the Temple Mount in half.
After centuries of heated conflict over which side could claim rightful ownership over the important territory, Israelis and Arabs alike were told to consider President Trump’s suggestion to saw the Temple Mount in half to split it equally between them.
“This is the only way to be fair to both sides,” Trump told reporters. “One side says they should have the Temple Mount, the other side says they should have it. So many angry people. I said, ‘Here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll cut it in half.’ Maybe with a giant laser, who knows, but we’ll get it done. I’ll talk to Elon. He probably has a giant laser. But we’ll get it done. We’ll cut it in half, and everyone will be happy. Then we’ll have peace. Everyone said it couldn’t be done, but they’re not me.”
According to sources, private negotiations were already underway between the Israeli government and the Jerusalem Islamic Waqf as to which side of the divided Temple Mount would be controlled by each group. “There are a lot of details to iron out,” one insider said. “One side of the Temple Mount has the ping pong tables, and neither side wants to give that up.”
At publishing time, Trump declared Israel the rightful owner of the Temple Mount after it offered to allow the Muslims to keep it as long as it saved it from being cut in two.
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