SAN ANTONIO, TX — With the Biden administration challenging Texas’ right to defend its own border, Governor Abbott has ordered razor wire placed around The Alamo in preparation for a final stand against the feds.
“This is why we remember The Alamo,” said Governor Abbott as the wire was unrolled. “Because you never know when a senile President will refuse to allow us to defend our border from invasion. Also, because it’s a really handy marker if you get lost in downtown San Antonio. The Riverwalk gets so confusing.”
Though some questioned Governor Abbott placing The Alamo at the heart of his defenses, Texas has rallied around the governor’s plan. “Sure, the Alamo fell once,” admitted local woman Mandy Timmons. “But Davy Crockett didn’t have razor wire, or a massive, heavily-armed citizenry. I like our chances.”
According to surveys, Texans have for decades now been praying for something to finally trigger secession. “Pretty much every Texan wants to secede, we just needed a reason,” explained local man Raul Gonzales. “It always seemed like secession would be such a hassle, what with all the paperwork. I’m so glad we finally got the little nudge we needed.”
At publishing time, dozens of Texans had reported that the ghost of Davy Crockett had been seen lurking on The Alamo walls at night, watching the horizon.
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