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The Onion
Give Us $1 Or ‘The Onion’ Disappears Forever
Click The Image Above To Give Us The Fucking MoneyToday, billions of readers like yourself navigated to The Onion seeking dispatches from America’s Finest News Source. Like so many have done through the decades, you doubtless entered the…
The Onion Has Used The Funds From Its Click Drive To Purchase A Jet Ski
CHICAGO—As a capstone to a record-breaking day for the internationally recognized brand’s views and advertising revenue, The Onion released a statement Wednesday confirming that it had used all of the funds raised from its annual Click…
Please Help The Onion Meet Its Click Drive Goal Of 10 Trillion Clicks Before Midnight
Readers:This is urgent. There is a little less than 12 hours remaining in The Onion’s annual click drive. As of 12:07 p.m., The Onion has officially received 104 clicks. That means we still need 9,999,999,999,896 clicks to go in order to…
The Onion’s Annual Click Drive
Start SlideshowWelcome To The Onion’s Click Drive. Thanks to the generous clicks of readers like yourself, we’re able to keep invaluable journalistic projects going:AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext SlideProjects like our journal of North…
Ways Donald Trump Could Raise His $454 Million Bond
Start SlideshowToday is the deadline for Donald Trump to pay his $454 million fine for fraud, and if he fails to meet his obligation, the New York attorney general could take action to seize his most prized possessions. Here are the ways…
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Tom Sandoval
Following the actor’s high profile cheating scandal on the Bravo reality TV series Vanderpump Rules, Tom Sandoval rocketed to fame as one of America’s most hated villains. The Onion sat down with the embattled celebrity to discuss what’s…
Biden Recalls Speaking To Dead European Leaders Often As They Beckon Him Toward The Light
NEW YORK—Refuting claims that his references to recent conversations with deceased politicians were made by mistake, President Joe Biden confirmed Thursday that he speaks to dead European leaders all the time as they beckon him toward the…
What To Know About ‘Quiet Quitting’
Start Slideshow“Quiet quitting” is the new buzzword sweeping workplaces across the country, although the issues it really reflects can be confusing. The Onion answers common questions about the “quiet quitting”…
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce
Andy Reid: “Hold on, I’ve got this. It’s a 12-way tie between the burger at Cosmo Burger, the burger at Waldo Café, the burger at Grand Street Lenexa, the burger at McDonald’s, the burger at Burger King, the burger at Danny’s Burger Shack,…
This Week In Breaking News January 20, 2024
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