bathrooms

DAYTON, OH—A wave of nostalgia and dirty toilet water rushing over them, old classmates attending a reunion at Belhaven High School easily picked up right in the swirly where they had left off, sources reported Wednesday. “Wow, it’s wild…

There is nothing that should infuriate women more right now than President Joe Biden’s decision, in coordination with Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona, to revise Title IX rules to “extend legal protections to LGBTQ students.” Yet many…

KOHLER, WI—After the product reportedly tested well in focus groups throughout the United States, plumbing-fixture manufacturer Kohler unveiled a powerful new toilet Thursday that, according to marketing materials, is capable of flushing a…

DENVER—Charging a premium for the highly sought-after amenity, an apartment listing posted Monday reportedly counted the toilet as storage space. “Bathroom features extra storage in the tank behind the toilet,” the listing read in part,…

For vowing to defend women in North Carolina from men who infiltrate female-designated spaces, something a majority of voters support, North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson was criticized by two Republican gubernatorial candidates in his…

SALT LAKE CITY—Pausing their boisterous conversation to greet some new faces, the nation’s hairy men in hot tubs confirmed Wednesday there was plenty of room for one more if anybody else wanted in on the fun. “Don’t be shy, we can all…

GILBERT, AZ—Noting that just spending a few minutes a day on a toilet had drastically improved her mental and physical health, local woman Jessica Emerson admitted to reporters Monday that she considered her bathroom break self-care. “I…

VATICAN CITY—Once more advancing his vision of a more inclusive church, Pope Francis reportedly broke with longstanding Roman Catholic doctrine Monday when he pressed his face against a steamy glass door in fervent approval of same-sex…

Put that painful divorce behind you with this 456-sq.-ft. studio apt. The kitchenette is ideal for microwaving half of a Subway meatball sub, while the living space adequately accommodates the futon on which both Connor and Tyler will be…

PITTSBURGH—Grasping at the walls for balance as he made his way to a public restroom, local blackout drunk man Charlie Hull was desperately searching Thursday for a toilet to fall asleep on, according to sources familiar with the situation.…