Christian Living

PORTLAND, OR — Sources close to local atheist Dave Mahler say that the 35-year old recently gave himself a severe reprimand after briefly admiring the beauty of the sun setting over the Pacific last night."Stop it, Dave! They're just…

HUNTSVILLE, AL — Local man Matt McKay recited Philippians 4:13 several times this morning while standing over a straight two-foot putt for triple bogey. "All things. ALL THINGS!" repeated McKay as he focused in on every blade of grass.…

SAN DIEGO, CA — "They're just so happy up there," said Kevin Paulson, 37, as he sipped a beer and tapped his foot at the local concert venue. "I just - I just don't have the heart to tell them."Paulson, along with hundreds of others, went…

U.S. — Concerns have arisen that the Salvation Army has perhaps gone too far with its military metaphor after the group unveiled a brigade of fully-armed Leopard 2A6 tanks."This might be a tad overboard," said local parishioner Tom Watkins…

CETA CANYON, TX — Local teenager Kevin Stanton set a new record this week after getting saved at church camp for the seventh year in a row."I did it!" shouted Stanton, polishing off yet another Sinner's Prayer. "Time to bask in the security…

SUCRE — A church missions trip to Bolivia struggled with a low conversion rate thanks in part to the boring testimony of a missionary named Aiden Miller, 17, who stood up before a group of South American families to share his incredibly…

ATLANTA, GA — A local teenager felt a profound connection with persecuted Christians worldwide today after his phone battery unexpectedly died."I never understood their suffering until now," said Sam Johnson, a 16-year-old avid gamer and…

REDDING, CA — Heavenly sources indicate God was shocked and appalled by the lack of eloquence in the prayer of local five-year-old Danny Roberts."Thank you pizza. Thank you food," little Danny said unimpressively as he knelt by his bedside.…

ST. PAUL, MN — Roused from his slumber at 3 A.M. by the sound of distant wailing, local Christian father Sam Franks rushed to his child's bedroom to see what was wrong. Though the child complained about seeing a monster in the closet,…

ORLANDO, FL — Walt Disney World has unveiled plans for its new The Chosen roller coaster, which will take riders underground for three days before rising again."We are thrilled to let fans experience The Chosen like never before," announced…