Christian Living

U.S. — Concerns have arisen that the Salvation Army has perhaps gone too far with its military metaphor after the group unveiled a brigade of fully-armed Leopard 2A6 tanks."This might be a tad overboard," said local parishioner Tom Watkins…

CETA CANYON, TX — Local teenager Kevin Stanton set a new record this week after getting saved at church camp for the seventh year in a row."I did it!" shouted Stanton, polishing off yet another Sinner's Prayer. "Time to bask in the security…

SUCRE — A church missions trip to Bolivia struggled with a low conversion rate thanks in part to the boring testimony of a missionary named Aiden Miller, 17, who stood up before a group of South American families to share his incredibly…

ATLANTA, GA — A local teenager felt a profound connection with persecuted Christians worldwide today after his phone battery unexpectedly died."I never understood their suffering until now," said Sam Johnson, a 16-year-old avid gamer and…

REDDING, CA — Heavenly sources indicate God was shocked and appalled by the lack of eloquence in the prayer of local five-year-old Danny Roberts."Thank you pizza. Thank you food," little Danny said unimpressively as he knelt by his bedside.…

ST. PAUL, MN — Roused from his slumber at 3 A.M. by the sound of distant wailing, local Christian father Sam Franks rushed to his child's bedroom to see what was wrong. Though the child complained about seeing a monster in the closet,…

ORLANDO, FL — Walt Disney World has unveiled plans for its new The Chosen roller coaster, which will take riders underground for three days before rising again."We are thrilled to let fans experience The Chosen like never before," announced…

JOHNS CREEK, GA — In the middle of his normal routine of scrolling through X and binging Netflix for several hours each night, local man Jimmy Winters suddenly realized that he felt far from God for some reason."Why do I feel so far from…

ESCONDIDO, CA — A Presbyterian seminary has taken swift action by expelling a student who violated standards of character and conduct when he decided to smoke low-quality cigars on campus.Westminster Seminary California was founded in 1980…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Biden issued a stern condemnation of Jesus Christ after learning that the Savior of mankind had the audacity to rise from the dead on Biden's "Trans Day Of Visibility"."Who does this Jesus think he is?" shouted…