jeff

SAN DIEGO—In an attempt to reward the loyal fan for his years of support, PornHub reportedly surprised frequent user Jeffrey Mitchell this week with a wife and loving family after he reached his 10,000th masturbation with the adult…

“Probably just start with a few thousand on a parlay at Bally’s Atlantic City. Then I’d lose that. Then I’d try ten. Probably lose that, too. I’d grab a drink, then come back and really make a big move: hundred-thou. That wouldn’t work out.…

AMES, IA—Stressing that he had thought the trainer would help him increase his level of physical activity, local man Greg Paloma admitted to reporters Wednesday that there were dirty clothes hanging all over his barely used Peloton…

WASHINGTON—After top advisors patted his head and called him a good president, Joe Biden was rewarded with extra time on his tablet Thursday, according to sources within the West Wing. “Since you were so patient and quiet all the way…

Start SlideshowWhile it would be best not to interact with them at all, here’s what you should never say to a former Jeffrey Epstein associate.AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext Slide“I am 18.”“I am 18.”AdvertisementPrevious SlideNext…

“Right now it’s illegal for me to take clippings from the protected Mexican wildlife, but if I enlisted, passed boot camp in record time, was immediately deployed to the front lines, somehow survived, and went AWOL, I could probably sneak a…

MEDINA, WA—With tears welling in his eyes as he sought out his most treasured reminder of his late friend, business magnate Bill Gates reportedly called Jeffrey Epstein’s number Monday just to hear his voicemail greeting again. “Of course I…

“Basically, Anna Faris and I have been in entertainment for so long that we have the intellectual development of 12-year-olds and the egos of omnipotent gods. Combine those two, put us together in an environment of crass consumerism, and…