Scripture

LOS ANGELES, CA—Upon receiving the necessary forms from his employer and beginning to file to pay his federal taxes, local man Kyle Jacobs scrawled an imprecatory psalm across the Internal Revenue Service’s form 1040, sources close to the…

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to modify and improve the message of the gospels to conform to a modern conservative agenda, the Republican Party published a revised version of the Beatitudes on its website Friday morning. While the Sermon on…

HOLLY SPRINGS, MS—In a somber announcement, Pastor Philip Wallace confirmed to his congregation at Hartford Ave Fundamentalist Baptist Church, AV1611 Wednesday evening that he has tested positive for NIV. The man has pastored the…

MARSHALL, TX—After receiving a new leather NIV Study Bible for Christmas, local man Christopher Neil was excited to crack it open Tuesday morning and check out all the helpful resources included to assist him in his Bible study. But Neil…

DALLAS, TX—Prosperity gospel preacher Bishop T.D. Jakes just announced at long last the release of his first official Bible, a study edition whose cover and pages are made entirely of a high-quality, 24-karat gold. Valued at $450,000, the…

U.S.—In a move sponsored by Tyndale House as well as several prominent dispensationalist scholars, the Left Behind series has been declared the official modern replacement for the book of Revelation, sources confirmed Friday. All copies of…

HOT SPRINGS, AR—After being convicted by the clear teaching of Scripture with regards to certain aspects of his deeply ingrained theological and political worldview, local man Lenny Barton took to his social media accounts to declare…

ISRAEL—A newly unearthed portion of the gospel of Mark, discovered in an ancient pottery piece dating from the first century, reveals at long last the part of the gospel narrative in which Jesus affirmed everybody’s pet sins, reports…

AUSTIN, TX—A man browsing Amazon for a Bible to purchase Monday reportedly noted that a particularly scathing one-star review of an ESV Thinline Edition was recently posted under the Amazon account “HatmakerHugsU.” Our sources were able to…