the olympics

Chicago is hosting the 2024 Democratic National Convention in August. The Onion examines everything the city is doing ahead of the DNC.What It Feels Like To Have ADHDOffEnglishMore Police: If this doesn’t work, the city will go with its…

ROCHESTER, MN—Aiming to equip her straight female students with the knowledge and skills necessary to develop healthy sexual relationships, local sex ed teacher Gina Reynaldo spent Thursday’s class demonstrating how to look interested as a…

A plague of bedbugs has hit Paris and other French cities, provoking a wave of insectophobia and raising questions about health and safety during next year’s Olympic Games. What do you think?“The Olympics were never supposed to be…

WASHINGTON—Making an emphatic appeal to the court in the wake of yet another indictment, former President Donald Trump reportedly asked Judge Tanya Chutkan on Thursday to throw out the case so as not to ruin his future swimming career. “If…

TOKYO—Wide-eyed and moving in a trance-like state as the bright light drew them forth, dozens of athletes were incinerated Friday during the opening ceremony of the Olympics, with reports confirming the world-class competitors were unable…

TOKYO—In a dazzling display that featured several artistic renditions of cities being razed by bulldozers, wrecking balls, and controlled burns, the opening ceremony Friday depicted the Olympics’ time-honored tradition of destroying local…

Five-time Olympic medalist Simone Biles landed a Yurchenko double pike, a challenging vault never before accomplished by a female gymnast in competition. What do you think?“That doesn’t change the fact she hasn’t won anything at the…