ATLANTA, GA—Chick-fil-A is expanding its drive-thrus across the country, moving from just one or two lanes to a full eight-lane, high-speed expressway. The newly expanded drive-thrus can handle up to 1,200 cars at once, with each vehicle getting served in 30 seconds or less. “We were starting to get worried that our customers were getting upset, waiting in just two lines and getting their food in two or three minutes,” said chipper drive-thru employee Brett Townsend. “Not wanting to get left in the dust when it comes to fast food customer service, we decided to take things to the next level with this 8-lane super-fast highway.” He then added, “My pleasure,” though it was unclear why. Customers driving through the new Chick-fil-A Expressway won’t even have to stop, as they whisk through the thousands-long line at over 30 miles per hour. Chick-fil-A employees will expertly fling their drinks right into their cupholders through their cars’ open windows and toss sandwiches right into their open, waiting mouths. Customers can also purchase a FastPass transponder that alerts the restaurant when you’re driving through and automatically orders your food that you’ll then be eating in your car in just a few short seconds. At publishing time, the restaurant had confirmed that they will also wash your car on the way out, free of charge.
Babylon Bee subscriber James Lee contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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