BEND RIVER, OR—Gary and Ryan are work friends. Gary thinks there’s probably a God out there somewhere, though he’s not sure if it’s the Christian God or not. Honestly, he just doesn’t think about it very much. Ryan, however, is a passionate atheist.
The two get along fine most of the time. Gary, if he’s being honest, kind of wishes Ryan would shut up about God for just one minute sometimes, though.
“Honestly, the dude talks about God more than any of my Christian friends,” he told reporters. “It’s like, I’ll listen along and chuckle when he says ‘flying spaghetti monster’ and ‘magic sky fairy.’ Just to humor him, you know? But at some point, it’s like, something’s gotta give.”
“We don’t need to talk about God like all the time, ya know?”
Ryan was quick to clarify he doesn’t care about God at all and also hates Him and rejects Him and wants to spend every waking moment making sure that everyone knows how much he doesn’t care.
“How would people know how much I’ve freed myself from the idea of God if I didn’t talk about it all the time?” he said. “We must move on from the childish idea of some all-powerful Creator out there somewhere. Also, we must talk about it literally all of the time.”
Luckily, his coworkers enjoyed a brief respite from his talk about God when he joined Crossfit this week.
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