BATON ROUGE, LA—Local worship leader Zander “Oceans” Mallory was late for church again this past Sunday. The excuse he gave as he rushed in five minutes after the service was supposed to start was that he drove over a bridge and felt compelled to drive over it again and again.
“I couldn’t help it — as soon as I went over that bridge once, I just had to drive back over it 17 times. It was bizarre,” Mallory said. “It really set me back in my church commute. I’ll pick another route next time and skip the bridge entirely. Although, now that I think about it, what’s the point of a commute if you don’t get to drive over a bridge over and over again? Bridges get better every time you repeat them. Let’s be honest, they’re even better the 27th time.”
Mallory confirmed that on the way to church his wife had begged him to stop repeating the bridge and that “no one likes bridges — maybe one once in a while but not over and over again.” But he told her she was crazy and that everyone likes bridges, especially when they are repeated many, many, many, many, many, many times.
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