NASHVILLE, TN—According to sources, a pacifier has been inexplicably raptured from the living room end table inside the home of a local family.
The pacifier was put on the table for just a moment while family mom Kelsey Hughes looked away briefly, only to then find the pacifier had been raptured into eternal glory, never to be seen again by mortal man.
“I’ve checked the floor, between the couch cushions, and I even made sure the dogs hadn’t gotten ahold of it,” said Harrison looking for her daughter Charlie’s binky. “This is a clear act of God. For reasons we do not understand, her paci has been raptured into heaven.”
Witnesses say that biblical scholars were rushed to the scene to observe this curious case of the missing pacifier. They then confirmed that the only logical explanation was that their daughter’s paci was indeed taken up to be in the presence of God—either that—or dragged down into the depths of the fires of Hell.
Mrs. Hughes then checked her purse for her backup pacifier, only to find that that too had been mysteriously taken from this world by the Lord—like a thief in the night.
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