‘God Will Never Give You More Than You Can Handle In Life,’ Says Man Unfamiliar With God, Life

CLEVELAND, OH — Local man Vincent Palmer revealed his total unfamiliarity with life or God today, as he assured a suffering friend that God would never give him more than he could handle.

“Hey don’t worry man, you’ve got the strength to tackle whatever God lets come your way,” said Mr. Palmer. “I’m sure that’s in the Bible somewhere, probably the book of Job or something.”

Mr. Palmer was attempting to comfort his friend Brad, who had just been diagnosed with lupus only a week after losing his job. “I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve just got nothing left,” said Brad, ruminating. “Vince says this is when God wants me to pull myself up by my own bootstraps, but I’m starting to get suspicious that Vince isn’t real accurate with these Bible quotes.”

Brad reportedly decided to check the Bible for himself, and quickly discovered a very different story. “Wow. Like, half the characters in here just lay down and beg to die at some point,” said a surprised Brad. “Moses, Elijah, Jonah, Jeremiah, Job – all tell God they wish they could just cash it in. Then you’ve got the Psalms of David – the man apparently lived half his life in total despair. God says He is still there with all of them, and you can trust His love – but He sure ain’t stopping life from bringing you to the breaking point.”

At publishing time, Brad was sharing with Vince the good news that sometimes, the place where you are completely crushed and defeated is the easiest place to hear God speak.

Can this liberal California couple handle a Texas cookout?

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Babylon Bee