Man At Gates Of Heaven Sweating Bullets As Saint Peter Asks Him How Many Warriors Were In Tribe Of Simeon During The Exodus

PARADISE — A local man was suddenly struck with fear as he stood in line to enter Heaven when Saint Peter unexpectedly asked him to answer how many warriors were in the tribe of Simeon at the time of the Exodus.

“I…I don’t know,” the man stammered when confronted with the biblical pop quiz. “I spent my entire life reading the Bible regularly, but…I usually just skipped stuff like the genealogies and numbering of the tribes. Were we really supposed to read those?”

For his part, Saint Peter remained stone-faced as he waited for the man’s answer. “Oh, you don’t know the answer either, eh?” Simon Peter asked the man incredulously. “I guess you also won’t be able to tell me the number and types of animals each tribe gave as offerings for the consecration of the tabernacle. What about telling me which tribes of Israel were camped to the north of the tent of meeting? Seriously, did you ever read your Bible?”

The man being questioned began sweating profusely as he frantically searched his memory for the correct answer that could help him pass this unexpected test. The people in line behind him were heard asking each other if anyone had a Bible handy so they could start speed-cramming for the questions they would receive when their turns came. Saint Peter continued to expertly stifle his smile, enjoying the knowledge that his little prank was torturing these poor folks one more time before they entered eternal bliss in the presence of the Lord.

At publishing time, Peter was suspended from gate duty as it was revealed he didn’t know the answer to the question either.

Can this liberal California couple handle a Texas cookout?

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