Oh No! Devoted Christian Finishes Highlighting Every Word In The Bible And Now Doesn’t Know What’s Important

BATON ROUGE, LA — Following several years of diligent highlighting during his daily devotions, a local man has soaked every single word in his Bible with layers of neon highlighter and underlining, and now has no idea which Scriptures are inspired and which are optional.

“I should have listened to my wife – if everything is highlighted, nothing is.” shared Dave McDoink on his “Daily Bread” Facebook group. “My addiction to highlighting has resulted in the thin scritta pages of my Bible becoming wrinkled and shrunken from the abuse, to say nothing of the spiritual disaster of my being unable to discern which verses are the important ones and which ones are!”

“What have I done?!”

McDoink shared his highlighting journey with the group, explaining that he had started with a classic yellow highlighter over the already-red words of Jesus before adding blue into the mix for his favorite parts of the shorter Pauline epistles like Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians. While some New Testament books received a neon vomit of the above highlighting colors and red and blue pen underlinings before the pages of the minor prophets were even touched, the entire counsel of God’s word was eventually covered with a messy rainbow of every conceivable highlighter color, from the table of contents all the way through to the maps.

At publishing time, McDoink had realized it was time to drop some cash on another Bible and a pack of highlighters.

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Babylon Bee