Report: Asbury University Revival Started Night Before Huge Group Project Was Due

ASBURY, KY — A revival seems to have broken out at an Asbury University chapel service, which just so happened to take place the night before a massive group project was due in English 362. The scheduled hour-long chapel service began as normal, but hours soon turned into days, and days into weeks of extraordinary worship and fervent prayer, and it appears to have no end in sight.

“With this totally spontaneous revival breaking out, it looks like they may have to push the due date of this assignment out,” said one student. “Man, that’s too bad.”

According to sources, the service was normal all through the prayers and praise music, until witnesses heard some low but harsh whispering towards the back of the auditorium.

“Oh man, is that due tomorrow? You didn’t tell me that!”

“Steve hasn’t even read his chapter!-“

“That wasn’t even my responsibility to get the PowerPoint ready!-“

“How are we going to put together a whole presentation of the diverse voices of literature in the 20th century before 10 AM? Oh, crud!”

Witnesses say that as the speaker began to dismiss the students back to their dorms, a loud voice erupted from the back of the 1,500 seat Hughes Auditorium.

“NOOOOOOO!”

The entire room was stunned into silence before the powerful voice.

“I mean,” the unknown student continued, “I really feel something special is happening here, don’t y’all? We… CAN’T go back yet! I mean… something very REAL — and something very SPECIAL is happening here! Can’t y’all feel it too?”

The crowd of students and faculty paused for a moment to consider what the student was saying.

“Come on, everybody! What we need is a — a — a, what do you call it? Yes, that’s it! A revival!”

When the rest of the gathered chapel-goers heard the word “revival” they quickly agreed and spontaneous prayer circles broke out around the auditorium as more worship music was sung in what has come to be known as the ninth revival in Asbury University’s history.

At publishing time, professors confirmed that if the revival lasts much longer they may go ahead and just cancel the assignment.

This man is under arrest – for MANSPLAINING!

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Babylon Bee

Jesus Christ is King