Missionary Travels To Joel Osteen’s Church To Reach People Who Have Never Heard About Jesus

HOUSTON, TX — A Christian missionary finally reached his destination after a long, arduous journey to Joel Osteen’s church to reach people who have never heard about Jesus.

The eager young missionary arrived at Lakewood Church, which is home to tens of thousands of committed members and is believed to be among the largest unreached people groups in the United States, having gone completely untouched by the Gospel for its entire existence.

“This may be the hardest mission field yet,” said Joseph Corben as he stood and surveyed the enormous church that was once known as The Summit sports arena. “Every Sunday, this place fills up with thousands and thousands of people who have never heard the good news of Jesus Christ. A completely blank canvas of hearts for the work of the Holy Spirit.”

Corben wasted no time, approaching a group of Lakewood Church members immediately upon his arrival on the campus. “Hello! Have you heard the good news about Jesus Christ?” he asked.

“What is this ‘Jesus’ you speak of? Is that a new cryptocurrency?” asked one of the men. Before long, a large crowd had gathered around Corben, who began to read from the Bible, a book none of them had ever heard anything about before.

At publishing time, Corben’s missionary work among Osteen’s congregants had gone so well that he was now praying about the possibility of continuing on to Alpharetta, Georgia to take the Gospel to the unchurched people of Andy Stanley’s Northpoint Church.

Despite their best efforts, Planned Parenthood isn’t killing as many babies as their founder would have wanted. It’s time for a rebrand!

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee

Jesus Christ is King