Please Help The Onion Meet Its Click Drive Goal Of 10 Trillion Clicks Before Midnight

Readers:

This is urgent. There is a little less than 12 hours remaining in The Onion’s annual click drive. As of 12:07 p.m., The Onion has officially received 104 clicks. That means we still need 9,999,999,999,896 clicks to go in order to meet our goal of 10 trillion clicks before midnight.

In this very moment, as you read this message, a team of The Onion’s top Hungarian slaves is diligently clicking away in our Budapest office. But our exploited workforce can’t do this by themselves. That is why we are ordering you to give us your help. 

Yes, 10 trillion clicks is a lofty goal. But with the help of irrationally loyal readers like you, we are confident we can reach and exceed that goal.

We are so confident, in fact, that we have decided to double our goal to 20 trillion clicks.

The Onion urges you to gather a few thousand of your closest friends’ fingers and click.

We don’t know what will happen if the clock strikes midnight and we have yet to receive 20 trillion clicks. All we know is that it will be too late—not just for us, but for media, for humanity, and for you.

Please click.