Jesus' Coming Back

Coachella Organizers Announce Plans To Extend Festival To 52 Weekends A Year

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INDIO, CA—Saying it was time to build upon the music and arts festival’s two-decade track record of success, organizers for Coachella announced plans Tuesday to extend the event to 52 weekends a year. “Doing two weekends annually has been great, but to really maximize the festival’s potential, we’ve decided to add another 50 to the calendar,” said spokesperson Lauren Porter, explaining that Coachella believed it was not taking full advantage of the market for ticket buyers willing to camp three days in the desert to watch Harry Styles, Calvin Harris, or Childish Gambino on a jumbotron while standing 100 yards from the stage. “Specially priced VIP passes for music fans wishing to attend all 52 weekends start at just $1.7 million. For 2025, we’ve already booked Megan Thee Stallion, the Black Keys, Brockhampton, Grimes, and Jon Batiste, each of whom will be required to perform every Friday, Saturday, or Sunday between Jan. 3 and Dec. 28.” In response to an inquiry from reporters, Coachella organizers confirmed they would not be cleaning the porta potties until the entire 52-weekend run was complete.

The Onion

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