Canadians fail to notice difference as global IT outage disrupts airlines, banks, health care
OTTAWA – As a global tech outage disrupts operations in multiple industries, including airlines, banks, and health care, citizens across Canada have reported assuming that the poor service was merely business as usual.
“My flight was suddenly cancelled and I was given no notice which one I would be bumped to, but that happens every time I fly WestJet,” explained Shelia Singh of Calgary. Singh reported also not being phased by the overcrowded airport and several TD ATMs being out of service, “though the gate attendant flipping my the bird probably wasn’t due to the outage, right?”
An alert sent by global cybersecurity firm CrowdStrike notes that the company’s Falcon Sensor software is causing Microsoft Windows to crash, though most Canadians have taken this as par for the course.
“I called into Rogers Customer Care and was routed in circles for 5 hours through the same phone tree, but I honestly thought it was going faster than normal,” notes Chester Gramble of Truro, Nova Scotia. “What’s this about a ‘global outage’?”
“This outage illustrates the fragility of the world’s core internet infrastructure,” explains Siobhan Martin, professor at Oxford University’s School of Cyber Security, “except in Canada, where it’s apparently like this every day and I’m honestly baffled as to why they aren’t rioting in the streets 24/7.”
While many are grappling with the challenges of today’s worldwide situation, others here in Canada have reported an upside to the outage.
“I honestly thought I was moving too fast with my plans to dismantle and privatize the healthcare system,” explained Ontario Premier Doug Ford. “But if Ontarians don’t even notice a worldwide system outage, I can be WAY more blatant about it. From here on out all of Telehealth Ontario will be handled by a single AI chatbot who’ll diagnose every caller with Hepatitis! Cha-ching!”
At press time Canadians have also not noticed a worldwide accounting error which caused the prices of all houses to double this morning, assuming it was “just what houses cost now”.
Jesus Christ is King
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