Woman Hears Trumpets Indicating Christ’s Return, Frantically Begins Cleaning House
FORREST CITY, AR — According to sources, the trumpet call announcing the glorious return of Christ has sounded throughout the earth, leading local woman Amber Clark to begin frantically cleaning her home.
“Oh, dear! Company!” she said as she began frantically dusting. “Just a minute!”
Clark’s husband and children rudely did not offer to help. “The house looks fine, Amber,” her husband said. “Jesus is here!”
But she was lost in her own world. “Not yet! Not yet!” she said as she fired up the vacuum.
According to sources, women around the world saw fit to clean their already clean homes to prepare for Christ’s return, but only once they realized He was descending from the sky with a shout. They now felt the pain of the Parable of the Ten Virgins, because they had not made sure their homes were immaculate in advance. “No! I’m going to miss the wedding feast of the Lamb!” said Amber as she began mopping the kitchen. “Noooooo!”
At publishing time, an angel appeared and told Amber Clark to calm down.
Mission accomplished: Satan has just confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth was crucified and will never be coming back.
Jesus Christ is King
