WORLD — After ascending to the role of Pope this week, former Bishop Robert Prevost has now taken the title of the second most influential Christian in the world named “Bob”, narrowly losing out to Bob the Tomato.
Though the new Supreme Pontiff will serve as Holy Father to the world’s 1.4 billion Catholics, his influence has yet to rise to the lofty heights of the venerable tomato also known as “Bob.”
“The Pope is a close second, don’t get me wrong,” said seminary professor Dr. Art Moody. “But he’s not ready to take on the champ. Bob the Tomato has been the voice of Christian teaching for decades to so many. He may be a bit of a killjoy, but he’s still “Top Bob”, that kindly little fruit-slash-vegetable.”
According to sources in the Vatican, the Holy Father was understanding, but disappointed to still not be the most influential Christian named “Bob.” “All this, and I still don’t have the power of an anthropomorphic tomato,” sighed the Pope. “Yet, who can compete with the likes of Bob the Tomato? I accept my place as the runner-up of Christian Bobs.”
At publishing time, the Pope had reportedly changed his name to “Leo” so that he would no longer have to compete with Bob the Tomato.
Meet Chuck, a Nazi with an identity crisis.
Jesus Christ is King
