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Beaverton
After “I’m Japanese” controversy Gwen Stefani says “sorry”, immediately claims to be Canadian
CHICAGO – In the wake of a backlash against recent claims by Gwen Stefani that she is “Japanese”, the singer attended a hastily-gathered news conference where she apologised for her hurtful comments, by saying “Sorry” in a manner befitting…
Hockey world in shock after NHL star marries brunette
NEW YORK CITY – Controversial Rangers defenseman Darryl King has set tongues wagging in the NHL community with his marriage to Katherine Evermore, who, according to insiders, is “almost offensively not-blonde”.
Though King leads the league…
Marjorie Taylor Greene cuts ties with Dre after being told he’s a doctor
Washington, D.C. – US House member Marjorie Taylor Greene has cut professional ties with hip hop artist Dr. Dre after discovering through various sources that he is a doctor.
“I don’t work with science-based phonies,” explained Greene. “I…
Pierre Poilievre challenges Ontario College of Psychologists to a duel over Jordan Peterson’s honour
OTTAWA – Following the news that the College of Psychologists of Ontario have asked clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson to undergo retraining for social media etiquette or lose his licence, Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre jumped into…
7 more fake Voltaire quotes to use when making a political argument
“I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to my death your right to say it” is as overused as it is not something Voltaire ever said. So we thought we’d help out by giving you 7 other made up Voltaire quotes the next time you…
Trump sues far-right Brazilian protestors for trademark infringement
BRASILIA – As far-right supporters of former Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro riot in the country’s capital to protest his electoral loss, former US president Donald Trump has sued them for “stealing my trademark move”.
“The violence, the…
Following Speaker victory, Kevin McCarthy confident it will be “smooth sailing from here”
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Kevin McCarthy emerging victorious late Friday night in his bid to become the House Speaker with a resounding 49.7 percent of the vote, he now carries a clear mandate from a united coalition that is definitely not…
Single-use plastic bags to be replaced by reusable bags you will use a single time
OTTAWA – With Canada’s ban on single-use plastics beginning to come into effect shoppers will soon be unable to buy single-use plastic bags, which will be replaced by reusable bags they will use a single time, hang on the back knob of the…
Neat! Phone turned “am I going bald?” pics into a TikTok
CALGARY — Local man Archie Nordheim is pleased to have discovered that his smartphone automatically turned a bunch of photos he took of his balding head into a TikTok.
“I love the way my phone uses cutting-edge machine learning to make my…
Poll: Majority of Canadians willing to vote for whatever politician promises to slap Galen Weston…
OTTAWA – A recent Angus Reid study has confirmed that Canadian voters are not sure who they will support in the next election, and are willing to give their support to whichever candidate promises to slap Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr smack…
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