Beaverton

VANCOUVER – There’s been one silver lining to the large blaze that recently gutted two buildings and displaced eleven people in Vancouver’s Dunbar neighborhood: the transformation of a massive fallen crane currently obstructing traffic at…

TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications, owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, have expressed their shock at the information that they are within their rights to fire the executive team of Mark Shapiro and Ross Atkins on account of the team…

QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced the imminent shutdown of a local safe injection site in favour of a new retail outlet devoted solely to alcohol consumption. “I have heard the pleas of average Ontarians sick and tired…

Toronto, ON – A millennial Toronto couple who recently moved into a trendy new tiny home is enjoying their first tiny fight about a tiny affair. “My wife discovered a tiny photo on my phone,” explained Josh Geary. “I had left my tiny phone…

OTTAWA – Continuing with their vision of the utopia Canada will be if they are elected, the Conservatives have announced that, within weeks of them taking over government, your life will basically be as good as it was when you were 13 years…

TORONTO – Pickleball is one of Canada’s fastest growing sports, with its estimated 1.37 million players representing a massive increase over the eight people who played when the sport was last surveyed in 2019. Because household budgets are…

Despite “being forced” to lay off dozens of journalists this year, the CBC was able to afford paying $3.3 million to 45 executives, for an average of over $70,000.00 per person. We reached out to a number of CBC execs so they could justify…

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has reportedly left his fifth as of yet unanswered voicemail offering to “throw his weight” behind the presidential campaign of US Democratic candidate Kamala Harris. “Hey, Kamala, this is Justin,…

MONTREAL – As Canadians face another scorching hot summer, Coppertone has announced a new extra-potent sunscreen line that banishes the sun back behind the hills and mountains from which it dares to emerge and harass us. “Even the strongest…

Metrolinx, the entity whose approach to completing the Eglinton LRT is most accurately comparable to George R.R. Martin’s approach to finishing the A Song Of Ice And Fire books, has raised eyebrows for it’s costs in recent weeks. These…