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Beaverton
EDITORIAL: Why my cheque giveaway is great whereas Doug Ford’s cheque giveaway is desperate and…
Hello. It’s me, Canada’s most popular Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau. Here to tell you all the good news – that I feel your pain.
I don’t mean feel your pain in a literal sense. I’m still the son of a Canadian political dynasty and just…
Opinion: Bluesky is a dangerous echo chamber because no one wants to hear from me, specifically
By Freya Grosvenor-Kent
Two years ago, Elon Musk bought Twitter. I personally didn’t have a problem with that, because I’m a common sense centrist who nevertheless only writes about how much I agree with reactionary ideas. I didn’t believe…
Restaurant lets customer pick lobster they want to fuck
HALIFAX – To the delight of its longstanding customers, Jimmy’s Seafood and Steak Shack has recently installed a 200 galleon tank full of live lobsters so customers can have their pick of which one they want to fuck.
“Jimmy’s has long had…
ICC issuing arrest warrant for Netanyahu clear proof of court’s bias against genocidal maniacs
The Hague, Netherlands – The International Criminal Court has issued arrest warrants for Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu and former Defence Minister Yoav Gallant in a clear demonstration of its bias against people who organize the mass…
Trump AG pick Matt Gaetz withdraws after learning America over 18
The post Trump AG pick Matt Gaetz withdraws after learning America over 18 appeared first on The Beaverton. Beaverton
“Let’s do this again soon!” says friend you will literally never see again
TORONTO – A friend you will literally never see again has proclaimed you should “do this again soon!”
Carol Andrews, 29, made the bold statement after a thrice-cancelled brunch with your friend group from high school finally came to pass.…
“Confidence is the key to success” claim wealthy, attractive people
Guelph, ON – Have you ever wondered about the secret to a more successful life? It turns out it’s confidence, according to beautiful people born into generational wealth.
Decades of psychological and sociological research have found a…
Poilievre denies he’d be a Canadian Trump: “I’ll be more like a Canadian JD Vance”
OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre continues to refute all Liberal Party attempts to tie him to President Donald Trump, insisting that if people pay close attention they’ll see he’s way more of a JD Vance type.
“Canadians see right through the…
Indie band goes on tour to recoup financial losses from last tour
OSHAWA, ON – Local indie band The Kneeling Neils have announced a new concert tour to recover the financial losses from their previous tour.
The indie folk rock outfit shared the news after the final tally for their most recent tour left…
Conservatives announce new innocuous thing they’re terrified of
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has officially announced that in addition to walkable cities, vaccines, and transgender children, they are also deeply afraid of eating bugs.
“We WON’T Eat Bugs,” the CPC said in an online petition…
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