Beaverton

WASHINGTON DC – With Joe Biden announcing his plans to drop out of the US presidential race, Donald Trump’s campaign has publicly asked the Democrats to nominate a similarly ineffectual octogenarian who will fit seamlessly into the GOP’s…

WASHINGTON DC — In a move that has shocked employees around the world, Joe Biden announced today that he would be stepping out of the presidential race, making it the first time in recorded history that an ageing boomer has ever retired in…

OTTAWA – All of Canada’s major grocery retailers have agreed to sign on to a voluntary code of conduct that will ensure any retailer who breaks the code will have to answer to themselves. “I am elated that the grocery industry has finally…

OTTAWA – As a global tech outage disrupts operations in multiple industries, including airlines, banks, and health care, citizens across Canada have reported assuming that the poor service was merely business as usual. “My flight was…

WASHINGTON DC – Following an announcement that he has contracted COVID-19 for a second time, US President Biden has assured worried Democratic lawmakers that this diagnosis will not impede his previous strategy of losing the November…

OTTAWA – The federal government has announced that, beginning on January 1, 2025, all renditions of O Canada played anywhere in the country will be required to start with 15 seconds of unskippable advertisements. “Honestly, it’s not…

OTTAWA – Facing pressure to step aside, beleaguered Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has encouraged his party’s MPs to hold and see if they can just wait out their current 2 plus years of bad poll numbers. “In politics there are always going…

Charlottetown, PEI – Despite promises that all tabs would reopen, a trusting local woman lost all of her emotional support tabs in a recent Chrome update. Michelle Greene has had at least 83 tabs open for the last few years. She typically…

WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Joe Biden’s debate performance and Donald Trump surviving an assassination attempt, a report from the University of Toronto political sciences department recommends you start getting ready for 4 years of…

QUEEN’S PARK – In the wake of an LCBO strike, Premier Doug Ford has reportedly been working around the clock to secure Ontarian’s access to hard liquor, as keeping conservative voters “24/7 hammered” is the only way to keep them voting for…