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Report: Whatever you need to do to mentally prepare yourself for a second Trump Presidency, go ahead…
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Joe Biden’s debate performance and Donald Trump surviving an assassination attempt, a report from the University of Toronto political sciences department recommends you start getting ready for 4 years of…
Panicked Ford works to resolve LCBO strike before conservative voters sober up
QUEEN’S PARK – In the wake of an LCBO strike, Premier Doug Ford has reportedly been working around the clock to secure Ontarian’s access to hard liquor, as keeping conservative voters “24/7 hammered” is the only way to keep them voting for…
Canada looks to break humiliating 106-year South American soccer championship drought
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. – The Canadian men’s national soccer team plays Argentina in the Copa America semi-final tonight, as Canada looks to end its pathetic century-long title drought in South America’s soccer championship.
While…
5 tips for acting like you know what you’re talking about while watching Canada-Argentina
It’s the biggest men’s soccer match in Canadian history tonight, as Canada takes on World Champions Argentina in the semi-finals of the Copa America. And that means thousands, possibly millions, of Canadians who know nothing about our team,…
Liberal Party watches in horror as French centrists fail to turn fear of right-wing maniacs into…
OTTAWA – High ranking members of Canada’s Liberal Party were shocked and dismayed by the results of the French election, with Trudeau in particular unable to fathom that Macron’s centrist coalition wasn’t able to scare their way into…
Brits replace their right wing party with centrist party for same reasons Canadians will soon…
LONDON – In a clear message that voters want to see a progressive, compassionate centrist government, the UK has replaced the Tories with Labour. Just as soon, Canadians will replace the Liberals with the Conservatives in a clear message…
Americans make odd choice to celebrate decision that led them to this point
“UNITED” STATES OF AMERICA – To the surprise of international observers, millions of Americans chose to celebrate the anniversary of their declaration of independence today, despite the fact that this decision has clearly not worked out.…
Video game exec just 10 layoffs away from unlocking “Decimated Industry” achievement
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Prominent video game CEO Matt Richter has just announced he’s only 10 layoffs away from earning the coveted ‘Decimated Industry” game industry achievement. “To think I’m just ten layoffs away from unleashing…
Man angry about 15-minute cities wouldn’t last a day in Europe’s 15-minute countries
MARTENSVILLE, SK ― Sources close to Terrence Graves, a local mechanic, report that the 54-year-old who has been grousing for months about the entirely unrealistic dream of making North America the slightest bit walkable, has yet to hear of…
Supreme Court rules Trump can and probably should shoot someone on 5th Avenue
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a 6-3 ruling, the United States Supreme Court ruled that former President Donald Trump not only has full immunity from prosecution for any gun murders he might commit, but that he definitely should do so.
In a majority…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.