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Trudeau invites Zelensky to friendly pick-your-brain coffee chat about being invaded by warmongering…
KYIV, UKRAINE – Citing a desire to “connect face to face”, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau recently reached out to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy with an aim to “share some insights” about being invaded by a hostile…
Amazon-produced 007 movie pits Bond against fulfillment center workers who want to unionize
SEATTLE, WA – With Amazon now holding the rights to the 007 film franchise, the company’s CEO, Jeff Bezos, announced the first movie will pit Bond against his greatest enemy yet: ungrateful workers in fulfillment centers who want to…
Aligning themselves with Trump works out just as well for U.S. hockey players as it did for Ted Cruz
BOSTON – After explicitly praising Donald Trump’s support of their team and even hoping they can “win for him” U.S. hockey players discovered what Ted Cruz and numerous other politicians discovered years ago: aligning yourself with Trump…
Canada annexes 4 Nations Championship
BOSTON, MA – The Canadian men’s hockey team has successfully seized the 4 Nations hockey championship from their American opponents, completing their annexation of the trophy nearly halfway through the first overtime period.
“We…
Man who was happy to see snow for climate change reasons now back to angry
SCARBOROUGH, ON – Local man Geoff Bridgley, who recently expressed enthusiasm at this winter’s robust snowfall in the face of bleak worldwide climate change indicators, has now reverted to the standard Canadian position of seething anger at…
New study finds pushing feelings way deep down inside is best option for everyone
Shoppers Drug Mart, Ontario – A new study from researchers at Harvard Medical has found that people who ignore their emotions and bury them deep within ends up being the best approach for society at large.
“It really is a game-changing…
Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit
Ever since polls were released showing Canadians overwhelmingly reject Donald Trump’s proposal to become the 51st state by 77-15%, the question everyone has been asking is: who the fuck are these 15% and what is wrong with them.
Well look…
Doctor turns to ChatGPT for novel ways to say ‘it’s all in your head’ to female patients
Halifax, NS – Looking to take advantage of AI in his practice, Dr. Allan George turned to ChatGPT for novel ways to tell female patients “It’s all in your head.”
Dr. George, a rheumatologist with over 20 years of experience, has found…
US, Russia commence Ukraine Piece Talks, where Ukraine will be carved into pieces
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA – Representatives from the United States and Russia met today to commence their “Ukraine Piece Talks” summit, wherein the two autocrat-led nations will discuss which lucrative pieces of Ukraine each will claim as their…
Trump on 51st State: “Canada needs America’s protection from countries like America”
WASHINGTON D.C. – Asked about his earlier comments regarding Canada becoming the 51st state, President Donald Trump clarified that Canada needs America to offer it protection from hostile aggressor nations like America.
Following the Trump…
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