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Trump declares sweeping global tariffs in response to death of Val Kilmer
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that shook global markets and surprised even some supporters, President Donald Trump announced major tariffs on all products made outside the United States, entirely intended as retaliation for the death of…
“We are not for sale” state Juno winners and stars who work primarily in United States
Vancouver, USA – Celebrities who attended the 2025 Juno awards had a firm and clear theme for the night’s proceedings, that their talents which they mostly perform in the United States are only for Canada.
“We are the greatest nation on…
Man who calls his fantasy hockey team Big Stick Daddy enters 30th hour of planning your crushing…
TORONTO – According to sources embedded in your fantasy hockey pool, the player who goes by a crude double entendre is on the verge of issuing you such a humiliating defeat that you’ll lose all interest in ever playing again.
“I watch two…
Want to buy Canadian? These politicians are up for sale!
In the wake of ongoing tariffs imposed by the Trump Administration, Canadians are looking for local alternatives to American products. For folks hoping to purchase the favour of a government official, we’ve assembled a list of some of the…
With Trump back in office, Greeks celebrate no longer being civilization that has fallen the…
ATHENS, GREECE ― Following Trump’s inauguration and the steep decline in American character it represents, Greece is looking on with a mixture of horror and guilty relief, new polling suggests.
“For years, we have felt the quietly…
Head of Elections Canada says all social media sites now on the honour system to not interfere with…
OTTAWA – In light of concerns that social media sites would be used to spread deliberate disinformation in order to sway the outcome of Canada’s upcoming federal election, Chief Electoral Officer Stephane Perrault has assured the public…
Hudson’s Bay warns customers they have only weeks to find their way out of stores
TORONTO – As Hudson’s Bay stores across Canada liquidate their inventory to pay off debt, customers currently lost inside these labyrinthian stores are being warned they must find their way out before the locations close for good.
“There…
Boeing signs fighter contract, will rework planes to cause death and destruction “on purpose”
Crystal City, Virginia – Seeing an opportunity to capitalize on his company’s reputation as a bringer of chaos and death, Boeing CEO Kelly Ortberg has announced the signing of an agreement with the US Air Force to build the next generation…
Trump Trade War prompts Carney to mobilize reserve members of Broken Social Scene
OTTAWA – With US President Trump ramping up his economic attacks on Canada and Europe, Prime Minister Mark Carney has enacted a top secret plan to mobilize Canada’s most highly-specialized fighting unit: celebrated indie-rock collective…
Conservative man discovers secret trick to getting elected PM: running as Liberal
(Political) Scientists hate him for discovering a new way to be a Conservative PM in Canada! And he can show you how to do it too! It’s the second episode of the relaunched Beaverton Weekly Report. The writ has dropped, and it hit Pierre…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.