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Beaverton
Top travel destinations for people who don’t care how much the locals hate them
Are your local vacation pics not generating enough hate online? Are you feeling stuck in a rut of angering only your neighbours and want to try getting yelled at by different cultures in exotic locales? If you have more money and time than…
New TTC initiative introduces personal fare inspector for every rider
Toronto, ON – In an effort to reduce fare evasion, the Toronto Transit Commission has introduced a new initiative: personal fare inspectors for every rider.
Using a Tinder-style app, every TTC rider will get to choose the Personal Fare…
Rebel News not eligible for journalism tax credits, files with Russian government instead
TORONTO – Following a Canadian Federal Court decision that Rebel News doesn’t qualify for journalism tax credits because it doesn’t produce enough original news content, the far-right outlet has filed instead with the Russian government for…
Co-worker that everyone hates surprised he can’t get colleagues to do what he wants
OTTAWA – Local man Pierre Poilievre, an employee at an Ottawa small business named the House of Commons, was surprised that none of the colleagues who despise him were willing to support him with his proposal for q4 strategies.
“I didn’t…
Loblaws launches for profit food bank
BRAMPTON – In response to continuing accusations of greed-flation and price gouging, Loblaws has announced the launch of a nationwide chain of for-profit food banks.
“We’re sensitive to the fact that Canadians are struggling with the…
Rogers promises Leafs, Raptors fans that their teams will be just as successful as current Blue Jays
TORONTO – After announcing they had acquired majority control of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment, the board of Rogers Communications reassured Leafs, Raptors, TFC and Argos fans that soon, their teams will be just as successful as the…
WestJet debuts new slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”
CALGARY – WestJet has finally embraced its reputation as one of Canada’s most reviled airlines with the debut of its new company slogan: “Air Canada, but somehow worse.”
The slogan was initially decried as false advertising, as regulators…
Air Canada pilots threaten to continue operating Air Canada flights until their demands are met
MONTREAL – In an effort to secure stronger wages, Air Canada pilots are vowing to make Canadians continue to fly Air Canada unless they are granted significant raises.
“With no breakthroughs emerging after a year of negotiations, we have no…
10 ways the Liberals can still win the next election
The Liberal Party has fallen a teeny tiny little bit behind the Conservatives in the polls. And with an election possibly imminent Liberals insiders are reportedly telling PM Trudeau that he can’t win. But we say that is pure hogwash. Here…
Physicists launch study of temporal paradox allowing people younger than you to have kids already
COPENHAGEN – An international coalition of scientists with expertise in quantum mechanics, wave theory and atomic structure have assembled at the Nils Bohr Institute to tackle the newly-discovered, deeply troubling temporal paradox that…
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