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Jewish students at Columbia deported for being anti-Semitic
NEW YORK – Jewish students who chained themselves to the gates of Columbia University have been arrested by ICE and deported for being anti-Semitic terrorists.
As the protesting students were thrown into unmarked vans, blindfolded, then…
Dropped Conservative candidates horrified to realize other people can see their social media posts
OTTAWA – With less than a month to go until the federal election, candidates for the Conservative Party of Canada have been shocked and dismayed to learn that the things they post and share on public-facing social media platforms are indeed…
Trump googles “tariff” for first time
WASHINGTON D.C. – Using a fresh browser tab on a secure device, sources confirm that US President Donald Trump has, for the first time in his life, done a google search to find out what the word “Tariff” means.
Reports indicate the search…
Poilievre to boost numbers with women by encouraging them to ask their husbands if they can vote for…
“If you ask nicely, maybe he’ll let you use the credit card this weekend too!” The Beaverton Weekly Report is making fun of the news once again. Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Clare Blackwood and Megan MacKay) talk about the…
Trump declares sweeping global tariffs in response to death of Val Kilmer
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that shook global markets and surprised even some supporters, President Donald Trump announced major tariffs on all products made outside the United States, entirely intended as retaliation for the death of…
“We are not for sale” state Juno winners and stars who work primarily in United States
Vancouver, USA – Celebrities who attended the 2025 Juno awards had a firm and clear theme for the night’s proceedings, that their talents which they mostly perform in the United States are only for Canada.
“We are the greatest nation on…
Man who calls his fantasy hockey team Big Stick Daddy enters 30th hour of planning your crushing…
TORONTO – According to sources embedded in your fantasy hockey pool, the player who goes by a crude double entendre is on the verge of issuing you such a humiliating defeat that you’ll lose all interest in ever playing again.
“I watch two…
Want to buy Canadian? These politicians are up for sale!
In the wake of ongoing tariffs imposed by the Trump Administration, Canadians are looking for local alternatives to American products. For folks hoping to purchase the favour of a government official, we’ve assembled a list of some of the…
With Trump back in office, Greeks celebrate no longer being civilization that has fallen the…
ATHENS, GREECE ― Following Trump’s inauguration and the steep decline in American character it represents, Greece is looking on with a mixture of horror and guilty relief, new polling suggests.
“For years, we have felt the quietly…
Head of Elections Canada says all social media sites now on the honour system to not interfere with…
OTTAWA – In light of concerns that social media sites would be used to spread deliberate disinformation in order to sway the outcome of Canada’s upcoming federal election, Chief Electoral Officer Stephane Perrault has assured the public…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.