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Jagmeet Singh asserts independence by doing exactly what Pierre Poilievre told him to
OTTAWA – NDP leader Jagmeet Singh has terminated his party’s confidence and supply agreement with the Liberals, boldy staking a claim to independence a few days after Pierre Poilievre told him to.
“For two years Canadians have seen us as…
Ontario snowbirds now spending winters in Toronto, summers in Iqaluit
IQALUIT – For many years, it has been common practice for Canadian senior citizens to travel south over the winter, seeking warmer climates, limited contact with anyone born after 1956, and the opportunity to drink a Tom Collins at an…
Wizard? This woman timed her edible to the end of her workday
NANAIMO, BC – Local woman Michelle Jennings has been labelled as some form of all-seeing sorceress after perfectly timing her edible to the end of her workday.
Jennings, who largely works from home as an executive assistant to some guy…
Oasis reaches two-state solution
LONDON – Following years of fomenting hostilities, Liam and Noel Gallagher, founding brothers of British rock band Oasis, have announced a diplomatic breakthrough, each recognizing the other’s sovereign right to exist.
“In respect of our…
As COVID rates skyrocket, health officials warn Canadians to wear plenty of sunscreen
OTTAWA – Canada is experiencing extremely high COVID-19 rates this summer, and health officials across the country have responded by alerting Canadians to the heightened risk of sunburn while engaging in summer activities.
“Even though the…
Ontario orders 5 new jet planes to counter theft of helicopters
TORONTO – The Ontario government has ordered a handful of high-altitude jet planes to try and stanch the rash of thieves making off with the helicopters that were purchased to staunch the rash of car thefts in the province.
“We can assure…
Since he thinks Nazis were socialists because of their name, here are 7 other titles and phrases…
Pierre Poilievre has repeatedly stated that the Nazis were socialists because their name is a shorthand for National Socialists. This is despite the fact that the Nazis rather infamously imprisoned and murdered thousands of people for the…
Collapsed crane obstructing Vancouver street for two weeks gentrified
VANCOUVER – There’s been one silver lining to the large blaze that recently gutted two buildings and displaced eleven people in Vancouver’s Dunbar neighborhood: the transformation of a massive fallen crane currently obstructing traffic at…
Blue Jays owners shocked to discover you’re allowed to fire Front Office when team sucks every year
TORONTO – The Board of Rogers Communications, owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, have expressed their shock at the information that they are within their rights to fire the executive team of Mark Shapiro and Ross Atkins on account of the team…
Doug Ford closes Safe Injection Site to make way for new All-You-Can-Drink Booze Guzzler’s Emporium
QUEEN’S PARK – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced the imminent shutdown of a local safe injection site in favour of a new retail outlet devoted solely to alcohol consumption.
“I have heard the pleas of average Ontarians sick and tired…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.