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Trump team accidentally texts Canadian invasion plans to Ian Hanomansing
TORONTO – Following reports of Trump Cabinet members including journalists on private Signal threads, Trump officials have reportedly texted similar plans for an invasion of Canada to anchor of CBC’s The National, Ian Hanomansing.
Echoing a…
Danielle Smith insists Trump helping Poilievre not foreign interference once we become 51st state
EDMONTON – Following a Breitbart podcast interview where Danielle Smith recalled requesting the Trump administration pause tariffs in order to help Pierre Poilievre’s campaign, the Alberta Premier insisted this did not amount to foreign…
Carney announces April 28th will be the day Canada learns who the hell this guy is
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has confirmed that April 28th will be the date Canadians finally learn the identity of the 5th unknown man included in photo montages with Carney, Pierre Poilievre, Jagmeet Singh, and the Bloc Québécois…
Non-confrontational couple spends night saying “Whatever works for you” before quietly falling…
JASPER BC—According to sources close to the matter, primarily their quietly baffled cat, Muffins, Hannah Mitchell and Victor Chang successfully spent five straight hours on Friday date night refusing to impose any preference on each other…
Carney calls April 28th election, clarifies Canadians can’t just write “Fuck Trump”
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has called for a snap election to be held on April 28th, and has specified that Canadians will be required to choose an MP in their riding, as opposed to just writing in “SUCK MY BALLS TRUMP!”
“We are…
Twelve hours of not thanking the bus driver and other atrocities witnessed during Canadian version…
OTTAWA – Reports are coming in that Canadians from coast to coast engaged in horrifying acts of rudeness, thoughtlessness, and impoliteness during this year’s Purge Day: Canadian Edition.
“The famously self-effacing spirit of our country…
Inside Danielle Smith’s list of demands to Mark Carney
OTTAWA – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has presented newly-sworn-in Prime Minister Mark Carney with a list of demands, along with promises to “blow up this entire country and myself so help me God I’ll do it!”
The list of demands, printed…
Experts warn Pierre Poilievre losing election he thought he was guaranteed to win will be very, very…
“The human body can only shake with laughter for so long.” Welcome back to The Beaverton Weekly Report! Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Clare Blackwood) talk Mark Carney’s first few days in office, the Conservatives…
Uninformed American excited for Canada to become “49th state”
Boise, ‘Merica – Local skimmer of news articles John Lougthrow recently exclaimed he was ‘amped’ for Canada to become the 49th state of the currently 50 United States of America.
“Hard to believe they weren’t already Americans,” explained…
Canada places 200% tariff on little Canadian flags Americans wear while travelling
OTTAWA – As US President Trump’s unilaterally-launched trade war continues, Canadians have struck back with counter-tariffs on a valued American item: the little Canadian flag patches Americans put on their luggage while travelling abroad.…
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