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Beaverton
Homeowner hopes $5K window can double as wifi booster, life coach, or leader of the Liberal Party
CALGARY AB – Homeowners Wendy and Amir Fam were left wondering what else the $5,000 window could do as they gazed out their new state-of-the-art triple pane glass.
Initially, they took turns looking out and trying to decide if the house was…
Pentagon continues to claim there is no evidence of TikToks obsessing over UFO sightings
TikTok, ON – The Pentagon has received hundreds of reports of new sightings of people obsessing on TikTok over UFO sightings, but continues to downplay the possibility that these videos exist.
“There is no evidence of weirdos trying to go…
Billionaire known for stealing people’s ideas debuts totally new, original salute
WASHINGTON D. C. – Attention seeking billionaire and human husk, Elon Musk, known for co-opting other people’s ideas and profiting from them, came out at President Trump’s inauguration to debut a new salute he’s calling “The Sieg Heil 2.0.”…
Doug Ford gets second hat to clarify that he is still for sale
QUEEN’S PARK – Soon after debuting his “Canada Is Not For Sale” hat, Ontario Premier Doug Ford was spotted wearing a second hat to clarify that he is still very much for sale.
“I was thrilled to see ‘Canada Is Not For Sale’ hats flying off…
Danielle Smith applies for refugee status in USA
COUTTS, AB – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has arrived on foot at the Coutts-Sweet Grass border crossing station, petitioning for refugee status in the US on the grounds of being persecuted in her home country.
“In my home land, I am…
Makers of Funko Pop confirm figures can no longer steal your soul
EVERETT, WA – The manufacturers of the inexplicably popular Funko Pop figures have announced that they have finally fixed the design flaw that allowed the dolls to suck the astral being out of a human body.
“After a discussion with our…
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Hear ye, hear ye! Governor from England returns to Upper Canada to restore the Dominion
OTTAWA – Hear ye hear ye fine citizens of British North America and allow your hearts to be elated. After a long hiatus in London, England, esteemed Governor of the Bank of England Mark Carney, OC, has announced he has made the gracious…
Everything you need to know about Mark Carney
Coming off a successful Daily Show appearance, Mark Carney is a frontrunner for the Liberal Party leader. But just who is the renegade outsider poised to shake up national politics with his populist, ‘not your grandpa’s Prime Minister’…
Christy Clark opts out of Liberal leadership race in order to run for NDP leader next year
VANCOUVER – Former B.C. Premier Christy Clark has opted not to run for leader of the federal Liberal Party, stating she intends to run for leader of the NDP when Jagmeet Singh steps down.
“For the past week the debate has been whether I’m a…
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