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Poilievre’s broken slogan generator to blame as he vows to “Dink the Rink” and “Slime the Grime”
Lethbridge, AB – Conservative party leader, Pierre Poilievre, spoke to a mystified crowd of supporters as he promised to go to Ottawa and “Dink the Rink” while standing in front of a banner emblazoned with maple leaves that read “Slime the…
Trump assures Canadians he will ruin the rest of the world’s economy too
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of accusations that he is singling Canada out with his economic attacks, US President Donald Trump has assured the press that he will also eventually financially decimate the rest of the world as well.
“A…
Trump removes security detail from Eric
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following last month’s decision to end security protection for several members of his previous administration, President Donald Trump has surprised supporters and detractors alike after removing security for Eric.…
Carney kills carbon tax, all Poilievre’s dreams
OTTAWA — After being sworn in as Canada’s new Prime Minister yesterday, Mark Carney’s first official act was to kill the carbon tax, and by doing so, killing all of Pierre Poilievre’s hopes and dreams as well.
“It is the honour of my life…
“Oh, he’s never done that before,” says owner as dog kills seventh victim
EDMONTON – As her five-year-old Yorkshire Terrier disembowelled his latest victim, owner Krissie Powell has assured horrified onlookers that Buster never behaves like this.
“Oh my gosh, I don’t know what’s gotten into my little guy today,”…
Experts fear Trump administration will corrupt beacon of integrity Doug Ford
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Ontario Premier Doug Ford currently visiting White House officials, some analysts are concerned US President Donald Trump might try to corrupt the earnest.
“Up here in Queens Park, Premier Ford’s conduct is famously…
Mark Carney promises to grow every Canadians’ Optimum points
OTTAWA – Liberal Leader candidate Mark Carney vows to improve the PC Optimum points situation for every Canadian. Speaking to a group of financial experts at the International Banking Federation, Carney made a campaign promise to grow “the…
Tim Hortons to release names of everyone who failed Roll Up the Rim skill testing question
Toronto, ON – Coffee lovers, rejoice! Roll Up the Rim to Win is back… with a twist. This year, Tim Hortons will publicly shame all customers who incorrectly answer the skill-testing question on the app.
“We’re so excited about this year’s…
Trump replaces plane crashes with stock market crash
WASHINGTON D.C. – Faced with a growing number of airplane crashes caused in part by aggressive cuts to FAA staffing, President Donald Trump has solved the problem by pivoting his focus towards causing a stock market crash instead.
“I’m the…
Pierre Poilievre blows dust off old “he didn’t come back for you” attack ad DVD
OTTAWA – With US-educated former Bank of England Governor Mark Carney emerging as winner of the Liberal leadership race, Pierre Poilievre was caught blowing the dust off the old Michael Ignatieff “he didn’t come back for you” attack ad.
“I…
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