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Christy Clark opts out of Liberal leadership race in order to run for NDP leader next year
VANCOUVER – Former B.C. Premier Christy Clark has opted not to run for leader of the federal Liberal Party, stating she intends to run for leader of the NDP when Jagmeet Singh steps down.
“For the past week the debate has been whether I’m a…
Leafs revamp power play by adding second pointless drop pass before entering zone
TORONTO – With their power play struggling worse than ever, Toronto Maple Leafs power play coach Marc Savard has introduced a new wrinkle that he’s confident will get the team over the hump: a second unnecessary drop pass before entering…
Trump unable to pursue military invasion of Canada due to bone spurs
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – Speaking from his private resort President-Elect Trump explained that, despite his rhetoric, he won’t be able to make good on his threats to annex Canada because of his bone spurs.
“Believe me, I want to do it. Itching to…
Trump threatens to tariff California wildfires unless they immediately extinguish themselves
MAR-A-LAGO, FL – President Elect Trump spoke from his resort to demand that the wildfires destroying large portions of Los Angeles stop immediately or else he will impose various trade sanctions against them.
“The California government is…
5 ways to reuse your “Fuck Trudeau” flags
Listen up, Canadian patriots: the day you’ve been waiting for has finally come. That’s right, Justin Trudeau, the guy you’ve been threatening to fuck for the last several years like the common sense Canadians you are, has finally announced…
Trudeau immediately begs for job back after realising he’ll need to buy a house
OTTAWA – Just hours after announcing he was stepping down as Liberal Party leader and prime minister, Justin Trudeau was begging for the job back after spending 10 minutes browsing the Ottawa housing market.
“Wait, so the government doesn’t…
Trudeau opting not to run in next election closest he’s ever come to electoral reform
OTTAWA – With Prime Minister Justin Trudeau stepping down as Liberal leader, observers have noted that not running as planned in the upcoming election is technically the closest he has ever come to following through on his 2015 campaign…
Report: Just one or two million mistakes can bring down a Prime Minister
OTTAWA – According to experts Justin Trudeau resigning is proof that just making political error after political error over the course of 9 years can topple even the most powerful politician.
“Canadian voters have become far less forgiving…
Science Win! This AI video of a dog eating spaghetti uses the same amount of power as Haiti!
THE INTERNET – Just when you thought technology couldn’t get any awesomer, this latest generative video super computer can now make an entire video of a dog eating spaghetti in mere seconds, and all it takes is the same amount of power used…
Boq tuah! Here’s how that weird little guy from Wicked likes his oral
MUNCHKINLAND – Wonder no more, Wicked fans: Boq, the weirdest little guy at Dear Old Shiz University has released a statement detailing exactly how he likes to spit on that Ozian thang, and it is EXPLICIT!
“First of all, if we’re going to…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.