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“Spring in Canada is so beautiful” says woman about to experience months of grimy dirt snow on the…
BURLINGTON, ON – Penny Collier, 31, recently claimed to some international friends that “springtime in Canada is so beautiful”, clearly not remembering the endless months following winter where the sides of roads are covered in old, dirty…
Ticketmaster to levy service charge for concerts you don’t attend
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — Ticketmaster, a division of Live Nation Entertainment, has announced a new service charge for concerts their users don’t attend or even know about.
“We’ve been adding more and more service charges over the years,” said…
First Canadian to orbit moon in attempt to find affordable housing
CAPE CANAVERAL – Astronaut Jeremy Hansen, a colonel in the RCAF, will become the first Canadian to orbit the moon in an effort to find affordable housing.
“Catherine and I have three kids, so space is a big factor,” said Hansen, rubbing his…
Chinese government asks Elections Canada for tax receipt
OTTAWA – After learning of the generous 75% tax refund received by Canadians who donate to a political party, the Chinese government has issued an urgent request asking for an Elections Canada tax receipt in the hopes of earning back a few…
Yellowjackets tells harrowing tale of Americans trying to cope with Canadian winter
VANCOUVER – The Vancouver-shot television show Yellowjackets has returned for another highly anticipated season and audiences are clambering to watch the horror that will unfold as a group of stranded American teenagers devolve into insane…
Carbon prices rise to $65/tonne, millions of households eligible for rebates
OTTAWA – Canada’s national carbon price rose today from $50 per tonne of emissions to $65, the largest single rise in the pricing structure to date. As well, rebates that millions of households will receive to offset the surcharge are set…
Paleontologists theorize the T-Rex had kissable lips and an ass that won’t quit
VANCOUVER – The paleontology world is abuzz this week following the release of a new study which concludes that the tyrannosaurus rex, a massive bipedal carnivore that went extinct 66 million years ago, possessed soft, smoochable lips in…
Fugitive Trump’s attempt to flee to Mexico thwarted by big wall
EL PASO – Recently indicted steak salesman Donald J Trump attempted to flee to Mexico early this evening in order to escape charges awaiting him in NYC, but found it impossible to make it to the other side of the border due to the presence…
Danielle Smith’s work as premier revealed to be 90% interfering in COVID prosecutions, 10% cowboy…
EDMONTON – Following recent revelations, observers have determined that Danielle Smith’s official calendar of duties as Alberta’s Premier consists entirely of 90% inappropriately communicating with justice officials for leniency in…
STUDY: You’re the only uggo in this Pilates class
SWITZERLAND – A new study published in Nature has confirmed what scientists have long suspected — in this Pilates class, you are the only uggo.
Scientists conducted the seconds-long experiment to determine, what, exactly you’re doing…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.