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Beaverton
Editorial: My home business is the result of 1% inspiration and 99% denying I’m the victim of a…
by Maria Lawson
Hey Huns, I wanted to write to you all and tell you about this amazing new opportunity that allows you to work from home, be your own boss, have a life, feel empowered, meet lots of great ladies, and have the theoretical…
The 5 jobs that AI (probably) won’t take away
Well, here we are: after ignoring years of warnings that replacing warehouse workers and restaurant employees with robots was only the beginning, we’re now at the point where those entering the job market must accept literally any position…
Hate Crime Alert: White friend just made your cultural dish and it tastes amazing
SURREY, BC – Shocking reports suggest that your token white friend just prepared your cultural dish and it tasted better than anything you’ve ever made, in what is being considered the world’s first culinary hate crime.
“I mean, you hear…
James Reimer can’t wear Pride jersey due to Christianity even though Bible also bans working on…
SAN JOSE – Sharks backup goaltender and .895 save percentage holder James Reimer said that he wouldn’t wear a Pride jersey for 10 minutes during warm ups on account of the Bible’s views on homosexuality, even though the Bible also prohibits…
Trump claims he cannot serve time in prison due to bone spurs
MANHATTAN – Former US President Donald Trump, who claims he will soon be arrested on charges related to hush money payments to adult actress Stormy Daniels, stated that he is unable to serve in prison due to bone spurs, an affliction he was…
“Refs totally favour the Leafs,” says man who has presumably closed eyes, plugged ears anytime…
CALGARY – Local hockey fan Dave Williamson believes the league’s officiating is regularly biased in favour of the Toronto Maple Leafs, apparently because he has hit himself in the head with a mallet and passed out in order to avoid ever…
5 Sarah Polley films to watch if you want to honour a great Canadian artist and have your day…
Having taken home the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar for Women Talking, Sarah Polley has officially graduated from precocious Canadian tv star to full Hollywood royalty. And if you want to check out some of the other amazing work she has…
UPDATE: Gerbil has already surpassed your fitness goals
TORONTO – Brandi Bepple was shocked to discover her daughter’s gerbil, Peanut, has already surpassed her 2023 fitness goals, despite her extensive preparation and detailed vision boarding.
Bepple purchased the two-month-old Mongolian gerbil…
Man finally gets around to last month’s HelloFresh box
EDMONTON – Sources in Jason Freeman’s apartment have reported that the 28-year-old accountant is finally finishing up the HelloFresh meal kit that arrived over four weeks ago.
“Jason just let the box take up space in the fridge until…
Fantasy Manager who drafted Tage Thompson won’t shut the fuck up about it
VANCOUVER – Local coworkers are expressing frustration as one member of their fantasy hockey league, Dave Henson in Sales, won’t stop bragging for 10 goddamned seconds about his late-pick drafting of Sabres star Tage Thompson.
The…
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