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Galen Weston says to Canadians who can’t afford bread, “Let them eat McCain’s Deep N Delicious…
Caledon, Ontario – With a growing number of Canadians facing food insecurity in the face of rising prices, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Jr. recently informed the nation that if Canadians can no longer afford bread, “Let them eat McCain’s Deep N…
Local vegan confesses she can also tell food is vegan
COURTENAY, BC – A local vegan has confessed that she, too, can tell her food is vegan.
Chelsea Forsythe made the shocking confession after a near decade of vigilant veganism, during which she has become known for her catchphrase, “And you…
“Everything is broken so lets make it worse” vs “Everything is perfect so let’s fix nothing”
“Everything is broken so lets make it worse” by Pierre Poilievre
It is a fact: our beloved Canada is irreparably broken.
From unaffordable housing, to rampant inflation, to bold leaders being mocked just because they wholeheartedly…
We replaced all our writers with ChatGPT. Here are its first 10 headlines!
Great news everyone! Just like other friendly media sites who exist to remind you of pop culture moments you vaguely enjoyed while selling you a mattress in a box, we’ve gone ahead and fired all our writers! From now on every single piece…
TTC increases security on streetcars to ensure stabbers paid fare
TORONTO – After a recent rash of stabbings on public transit, TTC officials and Mayor John Tory announced today there would be an increased security presence on all vehicles to prevent any more knife-wielding maniacs from attacking other…
Sex playlist a little heavy on the banjo
REGINA – According to sexually frustrated sources, Charlie Walker is facing criticism for trying to set a romantic mood with an excess of banjo music.
“Look, I get it, the right twanging chord can definitely get me over the edge,” said…
Ukraine begs Canada not to donate Canadian military tanks
KIEV – Ukrainian officials swiftly backtracked on requests for Canadian military aid after learning that Canada planned to send them tanks belonging to the Canadian Armed Forces.
Following repeated requests for additional military aid to…
Report: Middle urinal thirsty
MEN’S WASHROOM – According to a recent report from the men’s washroom, the middle urinal is very, very thirsty.
While it is a perfectly functional toilet — much like its left and right counterparts — men in the washroom avoid using it…
Canucks aim to improve their reputation by hiring former player Todd Bertuzzi as Health and Fitness…
VANCOUVER – Faced with an onslaught of negative publicity for the way they handled the firing of Bruce Boudreau, the Vancouver Canucks are looking to gain back some popular support by hiring former power forward Todd Bertuzzi as the head of…
Adult Swim announces plans to fire problematic Rick and Morty creator, retain problematic fans
HOLLYWOOD – In the wake of news that Rick and Morty co-creator Justin Roiland was charged with felony domestic abuse, Adult Swim has announced plans to sever ties with the problematic EP and to keep the show’s legions of toxic fans…
Play Hard. Get Dirty. Use Good Saop.